Don’t panic! I’m not re-writing or updating issue #1 again but rather with issue #16 I’m going back to a scene from issue #1 (and man, I wish I could re-write it…)
What am I on about? Well it’s the scene between Bear and his brother Griff! With issue #16 I get to finally tell the scene from Griff’s viewpoint and reveal what he was up to!
So when I first wrote this I had totally envisioned Griff’s lines to be quick, punchy statements as there was all this action going on around him. The thing is I wish I had maybe broken the lines up a bit more. Maybe some pausing of static during his speech but it didn’t happen so I don’t think my point was overly clear.
I don’t know why I didn’t change it when I updated it – possibly I wanted (at that time) to keep the books as true to the original script as possible or maybe I couldn’t work out a way to break this speech up any more. I really don’t know (although I’m pretty sure it’s not because I thought it actually worked!).
But returning to this scene and being (or thinking at least that I am) a better writer I realised it was clunky. Without changing the lines (as I couldn’t!) I decided to add a few extra panels to try and break up the conversation. It’s not ideal but it does add a bit more of a disorganised, stunted aspect to the lines.
There’s still a sound effect or two to be added to that final panel which will be done once it’s coloured which will add to why the conversation suddenly gets stopped short. But it’s kinda clear, maybe?
So what do you think? Does it work? I’m just glad that I’ve finally got to the point in this story where we’re getting to see Griff again even if it’s only for a few panels.
And hey, if you don’t have it already why not check out the first issue for free here and see how this all came to be!
More soon! Bear hugs!
I’ve been putting this off for some time but I can’t escape it any more!
