I’ve been putting this off for some time but I can’t escape it any more!

It’s time to review Heinz Macaroni and Cheese! Wooooooooo…………….?

We’re doing this review a bit different. You see, I’m not looking forward to trying this. Some years ago I was a student and due to a slight financial mess-up I was SKINT and went the route of many a student by buying a lot of tinned goods.

I remember trying the Macaroni Cheese (and yes, I’ve just realised that Heinz doesn’t bother with the word ‘and’. Maybe it’s a cost cutting exercise?) on a couple of trusty slices of toast and hating it. It just wasn’t pleasant but as I was skint and I’d bought two tins of this tinned hell I had to make do.

Now time has moved on! Companies renew and refine recipes! It’s going to be better, right? Judgement Bear? What do you think?

I mean, look at this! This is more sauce than macaroni and when I say sauce I’m being kind! When I opened the tin I thought I’d actually opened up a tin of condensed milk although oddly as I saw it in the bowl I thought custard! Hey, a meal that keeps you guessing is fun, yeahhhhhh?

There is just soooooooo much sauce! A ridiculous amount! When trying to actually do a taste test I had to have multiple goes at fishing out several pieces of macaroni as every time I kept getting one lone piece of mac and a spoonfull of…… sauce(?) on my, y’know, spoon. Hey, I did say ‘spoonful’, it was a clue!

But hey, that macaroni is elbow macaroni and so I will give Heinz that! It would be nice if they gave me in return a macaroni with even the slightest bit of bite but hey, you get what you get.

And in the attempt to find a positive I will say it didn’t taste as bad as I remember it.

Although that’s really because it had zero taste.

Unless an oily slickness on your tongue is a taste (no, no it is not.)

It’s bad. It’s really bad. Like, I miss the horrendous smell from that Grace Mac & Cheese. Give me that! Any time over this!

And hey, I know! It’s super cheap but you can get infinitely better (but still not great, we clear?) Mac & Cheese that require minimal effort to put together.

And for all this pain (and yes, I’m including the fact that it was elbow macaroni) I’m giving this a rating of ZERO

And look at that. Usually I let the macaroni rating talk for itself but I really wanted to be clear. This was a ZERO rating.

Also, at this point I would usually tell you where you can buy this product (which am totally calling ‘Can of condensed custard oil with added mac’) but you know it’s available in, like, every store. Even during a lockdown, it’s still there!

Trust me. I picked this up a few weeks back when the lockdown started. Still not a problem.

PS. If I had a time machine I would totally go back to student self (from just a few years ago….um.) and say that it will get better and that there will come a day when we will again try a ‘Can of  condensed custard oil with added mac’ (for review purposes) but that time TOTALLY stop eating it after one bite.

Future win!!!